Sibilant Macabre

Things to do today/this weekend.

2009-11-07T19:17:32Z

Post Fran's application in discedo

Post Saix's application in salkia_island

~~Make Alucard's profile~~

Intro Alucard in salkia_island

~~Edit Saix's profile - ACCEPTED!!~~

Make Fran's profile - pending acceptance

Post for Psylocke in acairnia

Post for Leon in acairnia

Figure out whether or not to reserve/apply Dante in betenoire_rp

~~Edit Rose's profile~~

Get all outstanding tags from all places caught up

Who thinks I'm a little obsessive and am cramming my plate too full!!??!!??!

I can't believe I did that one. Meh.

2009-11-02T20:51:12Z

Roleplay Love Meme

VACATION WOO

2009-10-24T21:13:02Z

Gonna be gone for a week starting tomorrow, omg I cannot wait. Flying out at 2 pm and landing at 2:35. Ain't that some shit? -gleeeeeeee-

And no internet/cable/bothersome crap out in the backwoods of Mississippi. Damnitall I get to SLEEP LATE. I can hardly believe it.

So yah.

YOU ALL BETTER MISS ME, DAMNIT!!!

I'll have text, so feel free to poke at me whenever. Gonna scare the bejesus out of kids for Halloween, too. My teef should have come in by now, I hope Natalie's got 'em.

Short update, and back to work and NCIS. :DDDD

CODING FREAK!

2009-10-23T01:53:52Z

Eh, so. New layout for me. I said I wouldn't use one that one of my rp characters is using, but I had to steal the one for Tex (notnevada). Because it's awesome.

Okay. I have done/redone profiles for:

Desh's Sebast
Sephrioth
Selene (what's with the S's??)
Integra Hellsing
Seraph's Alucard
MY Alucard
Dante
Leon
Tifa
Saix
Sitara
Rose
Natalie's Vincent
Natalie's Dean
and
me.

...Jesus that's a lot. So, if anyone wants one, lemme know and I'll see what I can pull together. I'm not great at 'em, but I can give it a shot. Or any sort of character listing, any html thingy. I LOVE doing 'em, and it gives me something to occupy my time when I'm bored. :D

HORSIE PIC SPAM!!

2009-10-19T02:16:42Z

So, went out to the barn with Danny, my housemate/friend Margo's thirteen year old and we rode horses. I rode my girl Emma and Danny rode little Cupcake, the new pony. She's only 13.2 hands, which isn't very tall. As you can see.

But she's completely capable of carrying larger kids, only we didn't have a saddle small enough to fit her! So Danny just opted for bareback. Still, she's not round around her shoulders, so it's so wobbly to ride her without stirrups. But Danny only toppled off three times, so that wasn't bad at all.

In comparison, here's my horse, Emma.

These weren't taken today, but I figured I'd throw them in cause her's a purty girl!

And a VIDEO that Natalie took earlier this year when she was visiting:

Margo actually rode Emma today. I was shocked. I was surprised she and Tim even came out to the barn, actually, but they came to see Peanut, so that was good. I saddled Emma back up and Margo got on her like it was nothing. But getting on a 17.3 hand horse is a bit intimidating for some folks. The saddle is over my head and I'm 5'10, just to put into perspective.

She did okay, though. Emma's very tolerant and forgiving (thank God). No bucking or anything, but Margo did come off of her; they were going too fast around a corner and she lost her balance in the saddle. She's all right; she didn't fall too far 'cause she was already halfway down, but God is she gonna be sore tomorrow! Believe you me, I know this.

Only got one good picture, because I was mostly keeping my eye on them and neither getting hurt. Yelling commands and tips from the ground, lol. But Emma's not a beginner's horse, so it's always best to be careful.

Here's the money winner, though. Little Peanut. He's a companion horse that Annett and Niki brought home with Cupcake. He's a fully grown miniature stallion, and is rambunctious and follows everyone around like a puppy. We love all over him and rub him and treat him like a dog, basically. He's so damned cute.

Emma and all these horses are boarded at Equisports Unlimited down here in Florida (the website that I redesigned, btw -preeens- God, wasn't that a bitch), and we have the best time. I can't even express how much I love that horse. And all of them, really. It's a good place to de-stress and just relax. I wish everyone had that opportunity.

Anyway, hope you guys enjoy!

I need more evil icons.

2009-10-17T19:18:05Z

So. This is going to be a shit day. I can already tell.

First off, I didn't get in bed till six this morning. And my fucking housemates are up at EIGHT, slamming doors, getting the dogs to barking, and dropping pots and pans around the kitchen while yelling across the house.

Yeah.

So I somehow manage to get back to sleep when they fucking LEAVE, and then about noon-thirty, here they come again, laughing, yelling, turning on the television at full freaking blast, slamming doors again, screaming across the house and what not.

Fuck my last hour and a half of sleep.

The irony of this? I finally stagger out of bed and get a shower, then they fucking LEAVE AGAIN.

I hate those moronic assholes sometimes.

When I get home tonight, I'm going to start vacuuming at four thirty in the morning while blasting angry rock music on my computer speakers. Watch me.

And then when I get to work, the stupidness just escalates.

"Why can't I put this return back on the credit card?"

Because it's a GIFT CREDIT CARD like they hand out at the mall.

"So?"

So our system will not allow funds to be returned to those cards because they're not legitimately a CREDIT CARD, idiot.

"Maybe you should tell the customer that."

Uh, no, sorry, that's YOUR job as a STORE MANAGER. I'm not allowed to speak to the customers.

"-huff- Well, that's a first."

-silence from me-

"Oh, all right."

Hang up.

BLITHERING MONKEYCUNT TWITS! And that was my first call of the damned DAY. I really hope they all come down with mutant radioactive crotch lice infestations.

Fuck, it's gonna be a long day.

So.

2009-10-14T19:29:08Z

On hiatus from acairnia this week. Can't say I feel bad about it, either. God, seven muses is a lot to keep up with these days. I still have Integra at discedo but I feel crappy about not updating as I feel like I should. Mainly because the Hellsing fandom there is so small, and Seraph's on hiatus, too. Which she should be, no doubt. (ILU, BB, take care.) I've considered dropping there, but after all the hell I went through to get in, I'm more or less spitefully resigned to staying. And I love Seraph's Alucard, so that's mainly why I stay.

Okay, I'm rambling, I know.

Started playing Oblivion again. I have to say that my boy owns. OWNS, even. Hardcore. God, it's good to be leader of everything, I gotta say. Anyway. Haven't really been online much, either. Been watching House here at work and playing Oblivion when I get home. Righteous.

I reckon I need a break from rp for a while. Let the batteries recharge. Granted, I feel crappy about having all those tags staring at me, but moving those puppies to another folder in the inbox works just as well. I'll get to 'em when inspiration strikes.

Going home at the end of the month, so I'll have to take another hiatus, then, but that can't be helped. No internet in the backwoods. I still have my phone and texting, but no computery-esque internet connection. Which suits me fine. But I do need to go home. Seriously. And man, I can't wait.

Anyways, fffflalala and all that junk. Shitty way to end, but oh-the-wells.

sibilantmacabre @ 2009-10-08T16:45:00

2009-10-08T20:45:46Z

Bastard. Demon. Fanatic. Leader. Bishop. Crusader. Monster. Crucifixed.
† The Priest †	We are Messengers of God: Sent by Him to eradicate those who would Blaspheme and Desecrate His name. The Vatican authorizes us to remove Heretics and Freaks by whatever means necessary. We oppose those who would prevent our making a more perfect order. The Sanctity of the Catholic Church & Our Lord Jesus Christ grants us the Divine Right to Exorcise our demon adversaries and Judge those contemptible fools who obey not the gospel of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost. We shall Deliver Them to the Gates of Eternal Fire, and scatter the Ashes of anyone who loves not the Lord Jesus Christ. Let those who kindle His wrath feel the fury of Iscariot's hand. † Amen †
† The Paladin †
† Discedo †
† HMD †
† Codes †

information
Character name: Archbishop Enrico Maxwell Fandom: Hellsing Occupation: Bureau Director of the Vatican's Special Section XIII Iscariot, Leader of the 9th Crusade
history
Enrico Maxwell is leader of the Iscariot Organization, with proven skills that he is a powerful head. He commands with a great air of sophistication and tact. His knowledge of theology and spiritual arts are as vast as the Vatican’s endless secret achieves. While highly intelligent in literary knowledge, this is not to say he lacks any physical knowledge. As leader he is expected to know how to defend himself, despite his vast array of body-guards. Adept in spiritual arts, known as Christian Sciences, he has the basic capabilities of any Iscariot, ranging from exorcism to handling a loaded weapon when confronted by any freakish abomination. Maxwell has a superiority complex that knows no bounds. From his birth the man was an outcast amongst his family and peers as he was born of a mistress. Known as a ‘Demon Child’ he was sent to live at an orphanage. Abandoned by his parents, he took it upon himself to abandon the world that he saw had unjustly abandoned him. Justice, fame, and glory, were his goals from then on, longing to show the world that he was no one to be reckoned with or ever looked down upon again. He grew up in the Vatican-run orphanage a devout young man, pledging himself to service of the Lord, and soon to be the Lord’s physical weapon. Gaining favor of the superiors in the Vatican hierarchy, Maxwell established Section XIII: Followers of the doctrine of Judas Iscariot. Men and women who would cast their lives away for the sake of the Lord’s house; the Vatican, and the Pope. They followed in Judas’s path, becoming the physical manifestations of unnamed martyrs that would carry out God’s plan. Maxwell led these brave weapons of God with an iron fist, and tight silver-pinching digits. With Iscariot in his reigns he could physically become judge and jury, with his men as the executioners. With his hatred for all things blasphemous, longing to purge the world of vice and sin, he saw corruption everywhere except for within himself. Yet absolute power proved to corrupt absolutely when he was quickly blessed to become Bishop, and then Arch Bishop by the pope, and ordered to take reigns of the ancient Crusaders to fight the war in London against the wave of Nazi abominations. In his eyes there was not a soul that was not sinning in that accursed city, and so he ordered a genocide upon every living and un-living thing within the island’s walls. So easily drunk with power, seeing his goal of glory fulfilled, Maxwell was unaware of his subordinates that in a twist of irony, were about to betray him. So blind from his hatred and loathing, he would never see the proverbial dagger shoved into his back by the one man that had longed to prove that Maxwell was not alone. He however died that way, just as he had lived. With none to save him, not even his God.

PURPLE!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-07T01:54:50Z

And yes, this phone takes CRAPPY pictures, God.

-snortle-

This is the box.

Phone problems.

2009-09-29T19:57:22Z

Hey, guys. Just a note to say that my phone is currently on the fritz. The USB port that the charger connects to FELL OUT of my phone last night, so, obviously, I can't charge the phone.

Hopefully I can get it repaired because I damn sure can't afford a new phone at the moment. Anyway, just wanted everyone to know that if I don't answer or reply to a text, it's not cause I'm ignoring ya, it's because my phone is currently turned off in order to save the battery for the moment.

I still have email and messengers, so thank goodness for the interwebs.

Anyways, everyone take care and I'll be in touch!

Public Service Announcement

2009-09-26T19:17:19Z

I WANT TO GO BACK TO SLEEEEEEP!!!!!

Another shit day

2009-09-17T20:10:10Z

So. I really didn't want to get up and go to work today. We have a stomach virus going around the office and since folks aren't sanitary as they should be - IE live in a damned bubble -, well, there you are.

Thus I'm working alone tonight in a company full of pathetically stupid managers and associates who can't find their asses with both hands. And, to make it just that much better, the folks here till five pm are just lollygagging around, expecting someone else to take calls and handle problems. "Oh, the night crew's here now. We can be fucking wanks and do nothing." ...keep telling yourselves that, shitwads. I hope each of you get either hit by a train, struck by a meteor or run over by a mack truck on your way home.

And no, I won't feel bad if that actually happens. Because I'm just that evil of a bitch.

To put it quite succinctly, I'm tired, I have a sinus headache again, I don't want to fucking be here, I'm tired of hearing a certain person's whining highpitched giggle as she goes around trying to be Miss Mary Perfect, and I'm damned tired of taking up the slack for an entire fucking department.

Everyone can go die in a goddamned fire.

"They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow..."

2009-09-15T22:15:42Z

Cookie for anyone who recognizes that quote. (Thank you G for that addictiveness.)

Anyway.

I am melancholy. I have no inspiration. My rp muses are quiet for the first time this year. I'm amazed, actually, that they lasted this long. I have been slaughtering myself, though. In three games, with ten or so different characters. Jesus. Currently on hiatus from acairnia and rivelata (which I may end up dropping even yet, so we'll just have to see.) and discedo moves slow enough for the fandom I'm in that it's not too much of a hassle.

Cue huge sigh here.

And my most sincere condolences and sympathies to Patrick Swayze's family. The man was such an icon of theater and film, he will be much missed. My great aunt passed away from pancreatic cancer; it's not something to screw with. But it's just one of those things, the incomparable mysteries of life. And all that crap.

I need...I don't know what I need. I need...something, but I haven't quite figured it out yet. Praise be to God for Seraph, Natalie, Mil, Rini and Katie for keeping me somewhat sane at different intervals. Karen, I misses you. We used to have such wonderful conversations, but now circumstances have us passing in the night like the proverbial ships. I suppose it can't be helped, but I don't like it all that much. You should move. Or I should move. Or something. Shit.

Okay. Enough rambling for now. Like it really does any good in whatever case. And back to work.

sibilantmacabre @ 2009-08-31T17:55:00

2009-08-31T22:12:17Z

So. I didn't sleep last night at all. No problem, I've been staying up later and later and later. But Seraph and I were on the phone most of the night hammering out plot and some such for discedo. Awesome. I love talking with her, anyway.

Anyway about eight am this morning, I finally change out of my jammies and head off to the feed store to get horse feed for Emma. Seraph and I are still yapping as I drive across town, lol. We're freaks, I know. Anyway, I get there, get my horse feed in the trunk, get in the car and turn the key...and click. That's all that happens.

Naturally I freak out because I have no idea what's wrong with my car! I'm not much of a mechanic, unfortunately. Well, turns out the battery was stone-cold dead. Which was weird as hell because it started fine not a half hour before. Anyway, one of the guys there at the feed store jumped my car off and we got it started again.

I headed straight for Wal Mart to get a battery and have it installed, but called Tim (Margo's boyfriend who lives with us) to see if he knew the cheapest place around town to get a battery and have it installed. He told me to go to Auto Zone here on Manatee Ave. because they didn't charge for installation. Awesome.

So I head back to Manatee Ave. and go to Auto Zone, go in the store and tell the lady behind the counter that I need to either have a battery charged or buy a new one and have it installed. And do you know what that bitch tells me? "You'll have to come back at eleven. I don't have anyone here who can do that right now."

I about exploded all over her cheerios. What the fuck do you mean, you're going to tell a paying customer you can't provide a service?! Oh, and did you just happen to miss the part where my car battery is fucking dead?? There's no way I can crank the damned thing to come back at eleven, you stupid bitch! God, I was livid.

I then asked her if there was anyone who would jump the damned car off so I could leave if it didn't crank and she said that the guy there, Brian, would be able to do it with their little mini charger thing. FINE.

Naturally, when I tried to crank the car, guess what? IT DIDN'T CRANK. Golly fucking gee whiz, idiot. So I went back inside and told her yeah, someone was going to have to crank it.

Now, it took the boy at the feed store nearly fifteen minutes to get enough charge on my car battery to crank it, because it is dead. TOTALLY FUCKING DEAD. So Brian's sitting there with his little machine hooked to my car's battery and it's taking forever, then he looks at me and says, "Know what? I'm just going to change this battery for you. It's stupid for you to have to come back when it's taking so long for it to jump, anyway." I could have kissed the man.

So, long story short, he was amazingly awesome and got my new car battery installed in a matter if about fifteen minutes, tops. I hugged him and said thanks from the bottom of my heart.

I head out to the barn to check on Emma and stay for a while, gave her a good bath and a bunch of treats, then come home and finally pass out. My sinus headache started back around ten or so while I was out at the barn, and I crashed out about one pm or so.

THEN the fucking roaring circus arrives! Margo and the damned kids come storminghouse</i>! Uh, HELL-THE-FUCK-LO???????

I'M IN HERE TRYING TO SLEEP OFF A SCREAMING ACHING HEADACHE, YOU INCONSIDERATE FUCKTARDS!!!

They all KNOW that if I'm home and not at my fucking computer, then GOOD CHANCES ARE I'M IN BED ASLEEP FOR SOME FUCKING REASON, YOU INGRATE PUSSYLICKING JIZZGUZZLING MONKEYFUCKING ASSWIPES!!!!

Before I could muster the will to crawl out of bed and take their damned heads off with a bread knife and then violate the remains with a cheese grater and set the fucking house on fire, they left to go to the kids football practice or some shit. THANK YOU GOD BUT YOU HAVE TOTALLY RUINED MY SLEEP AND I WILL HAVE THIS FUCKING HEADACHE FOR ANOTHER TWENTY FOUR HOURS. THANK YOU FOR BEING INCONSIDERATE.

Tonight? Every single angry song I have will be BLARING from my computer about one am. I'm going to turn on every light and television and appliance in the damned house. And will be dancing naked on the dining room table. Then we'll see how them fucking apples roll.

Oh God....

2009-08-18T21:34:04Z

Woah, so I am moved to make a personal journal entry. Zomg.

I have this sick addiction to rp, it's beyond pathetic. But seriously, I can't stop it, my brain won't let me rest unless I'm plotting or something along those lines. Christ, I need therapy.

And my damned Hellsing muses have awakened again. Christ. Six years of dormancy and they decide to come out again. Thank you, Integra Hellsing, you bitch. You went and got out, and in doing so, woke up the vampire. I don't know how to thank you, really. Alucard is the only muse I am terrified of. Don't ask me why; I still have nightmares about it.

So, in effort to keep track of all my journals and because I'm an htmling freak, I threw together this table in order to keep track of all of them. If any of you guys wanna do it too, I'll make a text box and you can just fill in the info. Just lemme know.

Well, since Rini (erinelestiel) said she wanted some of it, here you are.

Journal	Character	Fandom	RolePlay
_devil_inside	Dante Sparda	Devil May Cry	acairnia
a_general_chaos	Sephiroth	Final Fantasy VII	acairnia
unlocked_hart	Tifa Lockheart	Final Fantasy VII	acairnia
x_dotdotdot_x	Leon	Kingdom Hearts	acairnia
x_luna_divine_x	Saix	Kingdom Hearts	acairnia
violetandvelvet	Betsy Braddock "Psylocke"	X-Men Comics	acairnia
seeing_within	Sitara Morgan	Original Character	acairnia
ageless_rose	Rose The Dark Dragoon	Legend Of Dragoon	None
cage_the_beast	Roman Anderson	Original Character	None
everto_vas	Vergil Sparda	Devil May Cry	None
hellsingmaster	Integra Hellsing	Hellsing	discedo
bloody_count	Alucard	Hellsing	rivelata
viera_skypirate	Fran	FFXII	Considering rivelata if Karen's Balthier comes with
futureelvenking	Cale'Anon	Looking For Group	None

Because I'm so bored.

2009-07-18T22:02:20Z

Snitched from honorableshadow

Pick one of my characters (any that are currently in play, inactive, doesn't matter.) And I will tell you:

- Why I decided to play this character
- My favorite scene or bit of interaction concerning this character to date
- My favorite original aspect about this character (world-building for ocs or head-canon for fcs)
- The last thing they did "off screen"
- What their last words would be if they died tomorrow
- What the next thing I'm doing for them is (narrative, post, shelving, whatever)

Bonus Round:

- I will tell you what character of yours I'd like to play mine against
- You ask me a free question (as many as you want)

I have currently on LJ:
Sephiroth
Dante
Tifa
Saix
Fran
Psylocke
Leon (KH)

Not on LJ:
Vincent Valentine
Vergil Sparda
And about a thousand OC's.

sibilantmacabre @ 2009-06-27T17:03:00

2009-06-27T21:05:04Z

Name: Dean Winchester

Age: 30

Fandom: Supernatural

Race: Human

Occupation: Hunter

Family: His brother, Sam Winchester

Weapons: Chromed Colt 1911 with ivory grips, sawed off double barrel shotgun.

Cabin Assigned: A2

Appearance: Dean is tall and athletic, muscular without appearing bulky. He has the broad shoulders typical of a hero, usually covered by a jacket or long sleeved shirt. He has a small tattoo warding against demonic possession on the upper left side of his chest in the shape of a pentagram surrounded by sun-like rays.

Dean has roguishly good looks to match his don't-give-a-damn attitude. He has short, dark brown hair with natural light brown highlights, matching well with his hazel eyes. A silver ring always adorns his right ring-finger, in addition to the metal amulet he wears on a long leather cord. Dean prefers casual clothing such as jeans, t-shirts, and button-ups, and is only ever seen in anything else when he is scamming someone.

Normally Dean gives the impression of a cool, easy-going guy, or (perhaps all too often) a jerk, but a deeper look into his hazel eyes hints at a dark past and a tired soul.

Personality: Off the job, Dean is relaxed, humorous, perverted, and perpetually hungry. There are probably few people that enjoy food or women as much as he does, and the same might be said for jesting. He has a habit of playing practical jokes, especially on his brother, Sam. He also carries a bit of a chip on his shoulder.

On the job, Dean is almost completely different. Cold and ruthless, he is merciless when it comes to destroying anything that may threaten humans, particularly demons. While Dean will do what he can to keep casualties down, it is not beyond him to make sacrifices to get the job done.

Dean is unabashed when it comes to saying what he thinks, which often makes him seem like a dick. While it's not too far from the truth, he is usually well-meaning. His lack of open emotional concern stems from his life-long habit of modeling himself to be a "real man", like he perceived his father was. Underneath this exterior, he is actually very sensitive.

History: Dean is the oldest son of John and Mary Winchester. When Dean was 4, his mother was killed by a demon, leaving him to grow up as the primary caretaker of his baby brother while his father hunted monsters, looking for revenge.

Both Dean and Sam were raised to be adept at the new "family business", though Dean took to it with gusto while his brother disdained hunting. Though the brothers parted ways as adults, they reunited to find their father and help hunt the demon that killed their mother.

Not long after, their father sold his soul to a demon to save Dean's life, and mirroring his father when Sam was in mortal danger, Dean sold his soul and died one year later. Castiel later revived him by divine command, but having spent 40 years in the altered time-flow of Hell, Dean is a darker person. He bears a lot of guilt for the things he did while in Hell, but is resolved to protect his brother and keep the world safe.

[[This journal is used for [Acairnia Roleplay] for the character of Dean Winchester from Supernatural. No profit is made from this activity and PB is of course Jensen Ackles.]]

HOME AGAIN.

2009-06-20T19:52:42Z

HONEY, I'M HOME!

Going home and visiting family was wonderful, but God, it's good to finally be back amongst the familiar. ...not that home's not familiar, but all my stuff is here, and that's the difference.

And Emma's here, too. I have to get out to see her first thing tomorrow...when the sun finally goes down, lol. Because it's hot as shit here. God. Horrible weather.

Anyway, am at work, woo, and will be lurking around updating journals and stuff. YAY TO BE HOME AND I CAN SLEEP IN MAH OWN BED TANITE!!

sibilantmacabre @ 2009-06-11T20:31:00

2009-06-12T00:33:35Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!

And thank you very much Mil for the gift-heart! It's on my profile where I shall love it forever and ever and ever!

sibilantmacabre @ 2009-06-04T01:18:00

2009-06-04T05:18:27Z

I don't play these sorts of fucking games, thanks. I think I need to just cut whatever ties still exist and be done with it. I was perfectly fine until I checked. Why did I bother?

You knew it, Jayden. You fucking knew it. But you had to go get yourself upset again, didn't you? Because life's no fun unless it's filled with angst and drama, right? We'd have thought you'd learned your lessons, madam.

...
...
...

Apparently I'm more of a masochist than I thought. I trust too easily, I know that. What I'm never prepared for is having that ripped out and thrown back in my face. One would think I'd learn, right?

The more I think about it, the more I realize Natalie's right. Just play and let the fucking children do what they want. Don't get involved. It only ends in misery.

Perhaps one day I'll learn.

sibilantmacabre @ 2009-06-03T15:29:00

2009-06-03T19:33:04Z

I'm a genius. I go off and leave my phone at the house. Grah, no music for me. Pisses me off, that. But I'll have MSN after five or so, so no worries. It still peeves me, though.

Had a potluck after-lunch at work today. Was nice, folks bringing food. Don't have to go out for supper, lolz. I made fruit salad last night and kept it in the fridge. OMGSOOOONOMS.

Allergies are being stupid again. Or starting to, rather. Been sniffling some. Not cool. I do not want to start off the summer with a damned cold.

SO CANNOT WAIT TO GO HOME. Hurry, June 14th.

sibilantmacabre @ 2009-05-30T02:32:00

2009-05-30T06:33:19Z

I really wish I could go back and undo the last three months.

Why can't I have a time machine?

sibilantmacabre @ 2009-05-22T15:15:00

2009-05-22T19:16:41Z

God, I'm depressed.

Minor Rantage

2009-05-19T04:01:28Z

I was in Wal Mart today and walked past the Father's Day card display. And nearly broke down right there in the floor. I was driving across the Palmetto bridge back into Bradenton and was listening to Diamond Rio's "You're Gone" and staring at the stormy sky and cried.

My father's gone.

I know that. I know he's not here anymore. And I know there's nothing I can do to help my mother and brother deal with that fact. Quite frankly, I'm tired of trying. Is that wrong of me? Am I a bad person for feeling that way? I'm not entirely sure. But I do know that there is absolutely nothing I can do to make them feel better about it. When dealing with this sort of grief and pain, each and every person has to haul themselves out of that rut; that's just the way it is.

I'm not going to say I've done everything I can; I haven't drug my mother to counseling (although she did go by herself), I can't bash my brother over the head because he's a moron and doesn't want to grow the fuck up, I can't hug either of them and comfort them when they're sad. Because I'm not there. I'm in Florida. Am I sorry about it? Not really, no. That's just the way things are. And I'm tired of feeling guilty about it. Because I know that even if I was there, it wouldn't make much difference, except me getting frustrated and even angrier about certain things.

...I guess that does make me an evil, heartless bitch. Tough.

To make matters worse, my creativity's been squashed. Again. It's not a big deal - although it worries me every time it happens, although I know it'll eventually come back - but I didn't want it to go so soon. Maybe if I'd have not let myself get so sucked into that world again, it would have left quietly and gently, not yanking my very heart out like it did when it packed up, picked up and hauled off to Bermuda.

And yes, I blame people. But it's a moot point anyway, because number one: if you're really that pathetic to have to get your kicks and justify your life by being a drama whore on the damned internet...I think you need a job or some other constructive way to expend your energy. Christ, get a life, please. Number two: I'm too old to give a good goat-shit about kids and their wank. I'll be thirty in less than a month. Go wank some pathetic seventeen year old who still cares what other people think about them. And enjoy it. (But you might want to see number one again, especially that remark about a job, because you obviously have too much time on your hands.)

Granted, I'm not as creative as Natalie, but I do have friends who have access to some rather impressive high-powered military explosives and weaponry and, just by a strange twist of chance, adore me and owe me a few favors. Don't piss me off, sports fans. You might want to check underneath your car and make sure there's nothing blinking, or be very careful when you open your fridge, turn on your computer or when you sit to shit. These guys rule.

I like to rp. The freaking world knows that. But it's going to be done on my terms, because my stores are akin to my children. I spent a lot of time on them and take a boatload of pride in the results of my time and efforts. Don't like it? Think it's crazy? Fuck off and get ass-raped elsewhere. I'm too mean and uncaring to give a damn about your opinions.

So yeah, this year's been pretty shitty for me, but know what? I'm a tough cookie and even thought I might crumble a little bit, I'll never break. I won't stay down and I won't drown, not even if some gnat's cunt pours an entire gallon of milk. Trust me. I've survived a lot and plan on surviving a lot more, everyone else be damned.

Comment or not, I don't rightly care. Flame and I hope to Almighty God your ass is well lubricated, for a textual light pole will be shoved up some ass cheeks and you'll choke on the tar coating. I'm bloody tired of trying to please everyone, to be everyone's shoulder and confidant, the one to make it better, okay, all right again. Stand on your own goddamned two feet, mine hurt.

sibilantmacabre @ 2009-05-13T16:44:00

2009-05-13T20:44:59Z

I need inspiration, damnit.